Not Straight = Bend?

:: No offense to the ones who are reading this ::

Call me conservative, I don't care.

I can hardly accept gays and lesbians.

If they were my friends, I might change my mind about the above statement,
but these two girls from the bus...

One hand on her partner's waist while the other hand holding the handle.
Not just one... it was both of them.

Imagine, two girls standing in the bus acting so lovey-dovey towards one another in public. Even from the time they were coming down from the bus, they were still holding on to one another.

What more can they do if they're alone?
Erm, I don't want to think about it.
I'll let you picture it yourself.

Yes, it is one's right to have a relationship with another person based on their own free will, be it female or male. I'm not the one to judge. I respect them for actually being so true to themselves instead of trying to deny for who they really are.

Kinda think of it... I'm fine with them. Just, don't do it in front of everyone, or maybe me.

Hmmm... with Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson tying the knot?


I think I prefer males.

No, wait.
I don't trust males either.
I have enough with them, especially in the bus.
For God's sake, I'm fully covered except for my face and legs okay!
Why must these people be so pervert?

I guess I'm gonna stay single for life.
Haha.

Have you ever wondered...

how life would be without contact lens?


I did.

For a girl like me, contact lens play a crucial role in my life.
Without it, I cannot survive. Literally.

This was me 8 years ago.

Spot me. I was the ugly duckling in my family.

If you think I'm ugly then don't see lar!


I thought of not putting this photo at first... but then I was thinking, why not? I can't change how I looked in the past. All I have to do is to accept who I was and move on.
I was the girl with glasses.
I was the girl with braces.
I was the girl with pimples.
I was the girl with umbrella hair. Mind you, my hair was hideously frizzy, curly, dry and not to mention... explosive? My mom couldn't stand my hair so she decided to chop off my hair one day. My precious hair!

I've outgrown my childhood look though.


Okay, so I did tell you a teeny little bit of my past. Now I'm gonna tell you what happened to me a few days ago.

I got the feeling my contact lens broke when I was working. My eyes became really really red and watery like the first few days of chicken itself inside the egg during incubation period. I couldn't stand the pain hence I took out my lens and threw it into the bin. Big mistake.


First incident
I had to squint my eyes when I stared in front of the computer to look at the cheque numbers as well as the address for the whole hour.

Second incident
My friend who appeared to be really 'kind' asked me to collect a document from my senior while he helped me with my work. I almost tripped when I reached the last of the stairs in front of that player. Though I couldn't see his reaction but all I knew that I was cursing myself damn many times. I went to my senior's table which was situated at the end of the office. She asked me to collect it from the printer.

Me : Where's the printer wor?
She : There.....*she pointed to the other end. somewhere I couldn't see*
Me : Oh, I very blind now lar...cannot see.
She : Hazizi, tolong dia cari.


Third incident
I was busy rummaging through some folders to find the correct envelope when a man came to me and said,
He : Apa awak sdg cari?
Me : Eh, eh.. tak tau lah.

After much confusion between the both of us, he picked up the folder right under my eyes.

He : Inikah?
Me : Erm erm... *Blur look* Oh ya. Betul.


Fourth Incident
It was still raining by the time I reached Chow Kit bus stop after work. Everyone was squeezing together under a tiny bus stop while waiting for the bus. I think you can sort of guess. The blind me trying to see the bus number.


Okay, it may not seemed as bad as it looked but if you were there, you'll definitely understand how stupid I felt that day.

Friends?

With him gone from the company, it feels a little weird…not having him to have lunch together and not having someone to walk with to the station after work. In a few days time, another girl will be leaving the company and my sifu at the end of the month as well.

I’m scared not having anyone else to talk to. I got no other friends mar. I have lar, but they’re not the same as my own friends now. I don’t really mix with the rest of the people as they're much older.

I had the chance to do so yesterday, but I decided not to go. I should have gone. I think. No, maybe not.

Someone I don’t know was having a birthday party at McD during lunch hour. I know most of the people although they're from other departments. All except the birthday guy. Instead, I went to buy the concert tickets at Sg Wang. I walked and walked and walked without realizing how far was it. If I have gone for that lunch, it’ll be a different post altogether by then.

Muakxx.

My sifu said during lunch, they were asking about me. Lol, of course, I’m his first junior and I’m always tagging along with him no matter where he goes. He said I suddenly become so famous around them. Lol. I can kind of guess what he said to them.

“She ar, very blur at her work wan….when I ask her to do something, she will ask me to do back…then I have to do the filing for her since she so lazy to go up to the second floor...” Bla bla bla.

I have this severe short term memory lost syndrome long time ago. Whenever he asks me to do something, I can’t recall what to do with it. Anyone who teaches me has to have a lot of patience because I’m a slow poke. Sweat. And, I have my own excuse for trying not to go upstairs. I said I am lazy, but the truth is, that’s not the real reason.

My Outer Look

I’m having a hard time finding the appropriate attire to work everyday. No jeans and no t-shirts except Fridays, no short skirts, nothing too revealing kind of tops.

I got nothing to wear anymore.
And it’s only my 11^th day.

So far, I’ve succeeded trying not to wear something too much but I don’t know how long more I can continue to dress like this.

To make matters worse, the clothes she gave don’t help at all. I almost wanted to dispose them all. Well, I felt so guilty doing that therefore I’ve decided to keep a few clothes. I just hope she doesn’t talk about it in work.

I’m trying hard not to complain about this, but I really can’t help it.

I feel fat.
Lol.

No, not that kind of fat, but it’s more to that cute chubby type of fat.
I think my fats are storing themselves at the wrong areas of my body.
Or maybe I’ve grown bigger…with more meat.
Or my bones are growing heavier.

Nah, I think it’s just plain fat.

I don’t look good in anything now. Not that I had once looked good, but I feel even worse than before.

The 'It' Jeans

Updated on Saturday.

“Yen-yen, why are you wearing jeans?”
“Adik, tak ada orang cakap ke awak pakai jeans?”
“That’s why I was wondering how come you are wearing jeans.”
“Eh, can wear jeans ar? Today is not Friday you know.”

Those are my few comments on my attire to work today. What’s wrong with the way I wear? It’s only a pair of jeans.

When people walked passed by me, they stared…
at my jeans.

I was trying so hard to avoid the second floor and the pantry, acting as if nothing happened. My sifu didn’t really care how I felt though, he sent me up to do filing so many times! Of all days man… he had to do this to me. I felt so awkward walking up alone, muttering to myself about how stupid I was.

I hate filing. Most of the folders are really heavy and you have to search like hell for some documents. I usually sweat quite a lot even though I have to do it in an air cond room. This happens after removing the boxes, finding the right keys for the right cabinet, and searching through folders after folders. Since then, I met a new friend…I’ve yet to find out his name.

Just when I was about to give the bunch of keys back to Steven, I caught Ms Khong Soo Ping staring at me like one kind! I saw her looking at my jeans but pretended that she didn’t see okay! I could tell she looked surprised. She’s like the one of the big boss for this company and if I were ever to be placed under her department, I’ll be so dead.

I couldn’t help looking back as I headed towards the staircase, and I regretted what I just saw.

*****

1st : Friendly
2nd : Sweet talker
3rd : Playboy
4th: Fake


That was my first impression on him. I wanted to tell the 5th one but I still have to see him everyday. So, I just have to bear with it as I don't want to make things awkward. Only desperate people will fall for that kind of tactics. Stupid ass hole. Come on lar, I'm not that naive and stupid okay.

Later at night,
I regretted saying those words. I hurt him I know. Once, my NS friends said I often have the tendency to hurt people’s feelings without knowing it. I didn’t realize I’ve such a sharp tongue, until last night. He had been really big about it, but I know I just stabbed him painfully to his chest because he did not reply me after soooo many hours.

I truly don’t know what I’ll do when I see him on Monday. I got the feeling that, instead of smiling, we will instead pretend not to look at each other. Shit, imagine my sifu or Teow ask him out.

Don’t you know, the more you don’t want to see a person, the more you will see him or her? It coincidently happened to me on Friday a few times.