Better Than Me

I'm in love with this song. Somehow, this song managed to make me cry this evening. I cried beside this perverted man in the bus.

Reality hurts.

Why the hell am I still avoiding the fact that everything is over? I couldn't help myself from looking at that time. I just turned my head a little while walking over to my supervisor's place and you know what? He was also looking! No, I wasn't being perasan la! I quickly looked away and pretended that that never happened. I have to admit, my heart was thumping extremely fast. Not just that time, but... everytime.

Wtf. I'm acting stupid again right?

Hinder - Better than Me

I think you can do much better than me
After all the lies that I made you believe
Guilt kicks in and I start to see
The edge of the bed
Where your nightgown used to be

*I told myself I won't miss you
But I remember
What it feels like beside you

**I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me

While looking through your old box of notes
I found those pictures I took
That you were looking for
If there's one memory I don't want to lose
That time at the mall
You and me in the dressing room

*

**

Okay, I think it's time to change topic before things start to get too emotional.

My married 32 yrs old Michael Ng Chee Keen said hi to me today! He's sooooooooooooooooo good looking!!!!!!!!!!!! Hahaha! He got this goody shy look in him which makes me admire him. Lol. Based on my friend, she said he was super shy when he was asked to dance.. He didn't want to.. but he did in the end. His dance so sucky okay! Like robot. =D

Both of us agree that he's cute. Haha!

***

Reputation Ruined

I now earned a bad reputation from certain colleagues. Most of them just laughed it off about the whole incident, some were really concerned, some were disappointed and some didn't bother about it at all. Two people ticked me off about my behaviour on that night. I was really hurt when they said that and a little ashamed of what I had done before, but I've never regretted it, even now.

I know it's all my fault and I volunteered to go for it, yet both of them came up with a conclusion that the guys were playing me instead. It wasn't their fault, I think. It was more of mine.. I wanted to go drunk. I wanted to feel like I can do anything without having my self esteem or my limit to bring me down.

Rumours really spread fast in small associates.

Almost everyone knew, even the ones who didn't attend the dinner. The first thing people started asking me was, "Are you okay?" I didn't know the situation was that bad until I found out from my friend what really happened. The whole thing was 10 times worse that I thought.

I know what I did is wrong, but I did it for a really obvious reason and I'm not planning to deny it. I just want to let everything off on that night.

The funny thing was, someone even recorded the scene. I'm still keeping my fingers crossed as I haven't watched it yet.

***

3 times a charm

1. It all started with this movie, on the 13th of November 2008.

Then we went all the way to Kepong just to have vegetarian dinner at CampForest. =D Love this place... good food, good service... but kinda pricey for me. =)

Ok lar I admit, I got this pic from the net. But, the whole place looks a lot better during the night. A good place for couples.

The location of the restaurant. Recommended by someone!

***

2. Carcosa Sri Negara. Sam and I had trouble finding this hotel till we had to call Ravin for help. It's coz the place is like in another end of the world. Hidden, in Taman Tasik Perdana. I don't know how the hell to find this place without asking for help.


***

3. 4 cakes on the go. Lol. I really didn't know how to react to that. I only wrote one sentence in my blog for my birthday post, which was It wasn't that nice as I prefer cheesecake. Hehe. Sweat man.

Two cheese cakes from Secret Recipe, two cheese cakes from King's Confectionery.

My beloved New york cheese cake got eaten by my dad!!! Sobz!

The other two was Tiramisu and I think was Blueberry Cheesecake.

***

Undecided

How would you feel if the person you were supposed to meet was waiting outside, while the person you don't want to meet just accidentally turned up behind you?

This incident happened all a sudden.
I didn't know what to do but to run away.

I was just about to meet my friend when I saw Megan outside. Megan was smiling at me for no reason... then I was thinking, did he know about that night? Did he witness the whole thing? I was really reluctant to go to my friend while Megan was there. Okay, he wasn't the problem.

The problem was, I turned around and almost knocked another person! Wtf. What was God trying to do??!!! Why must I ended up seeing him??!? Hours and hours in the office, but just that moment, we bumped into each other, right in front of my friend.

*I thought you're walking that way, why sudd turned back?"
He must have thought that I was weird.

Wtf.

I was being indecisive, trying to make up my mind to go or not to go. Somehow, I wasn't ready to show him. I wanted to. But, I couldn't. I turned away from my friend and acted as if I changed my mind.

The more I think about that night, the more I realize that he was there... right in front of me... but I'm still not sure.

***

Why do I only know how to receive but not to give? Having to receive is a pleasure and but giving is voluntarily, right?

I feel so bad. I'm not sure whether I'm doing the right thing. Something inside me is trying to tell me to let go, but I couldn't, not entirely, because I've once felt that way. I mean, the feeling was real. It's not often that I let my guards down, yet it happened unintentionally.

I think I still need time.

I'm scared that if I continue doing what I'm doing now, which is giving up... I would lose again like how I lost before. But if I don't, I'm scared I would depend on him too much, expecting him to do the things he usually does. What if all these are just temporary? This is my first time been showered with these kinda things. Seriously. I feel really grateful.

I'm making things more complicated than they are right now.

I know you're reading this. Am I doing the right thing?

***

Hard Rock Cafe

I love this placeeeeee!!!!

Among all the birthday parties I had joined for this year, so far this was the best one ever!!! Yes, I was referring to your birthday, Erica. =) And omg man, your dad spent so much on you specially for that day. Super cool. And half the cafe was owned by them on that night.

I met up with the rest at Bukit Nanas station after my work and we headed to Hard Rock Cafe. I didn't really read her invitation message actually, but at least my clothes turned out to be smart casual. That was because most of the people there really took their time to dress up...

We were asked to sign our name on this big card when we entered the cafe.

I just realized, the one on the right looked like me.

Us with the birthday girl. Specially took this in front of their logo. But got blocked by Gunawan's head. Sweat.

Second photo with flash.

She divided us into a few groups... Mufy gang, VU gang, PESS gang, and her other relatives' as well.

I love this photo! Too bad a little blurry.

Mufy Aug intake 2007

The other Mufy-ians.

Her VU friends. The reason I uploaded this photo is because I saw my friend over there! Wth! This world is bloody small. I can't believe my friend is Erica's friend too, and both of them are studying the same course!

Erica's birthday cake. A few people were also having thier birthday party over there. But, we sang the loudest!! Seriously, we won.

She had a hard time trying to blow the candles because Danny tricked her.

Both of her parents.

Group photo

Another one.

3rd photo.

4th photo.

Glowing. I meant Tiff's face. :P

Tiff and I.

Terry and I.

Weng Yue and I.

Me gotten drunk after glasses and glasses of beer! I finally found out that I am addicted to alcohol. I don't find beer that bitter after all. In fact, I love it. Once again, I beat the guys! Yay! And I was the only one who got drunk. Shit.

We tried Bloody Mary which cost us bout rm30. Don't ever try it. Sucks. Waste of money.

Weng Yue's parents instead of fetching the rest home, fetched me alone while the rest went home by Monorail. By the time they reached KTM, it was closed. Sad for them. Haha, and all because of me.

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