I've Lost

I don't think I'll be able to recover anymore. I'm much too addicted than I thought I was. I'm beginning to feel the pleasure after pushing all the negativity aside and just savoring every glass of the wine.

I can't help myself after what had happened today,
The feeling of warm, comfort and reassurance.

I wonder how long this addiction will it last?
Is this how we're supposed to feel once we're a lil obsessed?
I'm scared.

***

Confession

If one is an alcoholic, one will be expected to fare for a 100 year old brandy - the most finest cognac.

If one is a recovering alcoholic, one will be able to resist and turn down the wine, particularly if it's beginning to stale.

If one is a non alcoholic, one will not even get started.

I'm here to make a confession. I'm an alcoholic but I'm trying to endure the addiction. Perhaps, the side effects will be more bearable.

***

***

On the Way Home..

I always pass by this one whole row of shop houses on the way home, situated next to a petrol station and near the lake. Basically it's before Setapak Jaya and after Sri Rampai. Don't ask for more details. I myself don't know how to explain.

As usual, I was in the bus... minding my own business until I turned my head to the left.

I saw this man, walking.
That seemed normal.

He was walking and talking to himself.
He might be using his bluetooth headset or something instead of placing his handphone near to his ear.
Still normal.

He had his five fingers set vertically next to his ear as if he was taking an oath or something and muttering to himself, while walking along the shop houses himself!!!!!
That wasn't normal okay!

I nudged to the person next to me and pointed to that man.
All a sudden that man suddenly turned his head and his face towards us! Still walking!

Soooooooo SCARYYYYY.

T___________T As if he knew we were talking about him!
He really looked like he had been possessed!

Mail-Blog

Like I've promised someone,
here it is doggy dear..

HI GUYS, i'm not trying to show off.. this is just sharing my excited-ness!
since i was telling yen and jin that i'll email them, tot linar might ask y i
send to them but not her (hi linar!!!), and then if send to 3 of them and not
lin, more sad..(hi lin!!!)so send to everyone! if you're busy, dont have to
continue reading...this is just a spam mail..to kill your time.. :)
>> opps, narr, i told jin and yen first, i dont mean not to make u the first
to tell to, but nv really tot of it..me jin and yen were talking bout sth, cant
rmb what, and i suddenly spilt out everyth.. so excited.. HAHA.. so, hi nar..
know you wont be angry hor..
>> hi lin, i know this is not reli relevant to you, but finally there's some
update bout my life that i think quite worth updating.. if anyone is wondering
why yen and jin in the first place, cz we went back together from klia
sending squirrel off..and had mcd at kl central-an extra info to spice up
your life.. 'spice' cz they had spicy chicken mcdeluxe, the nicest thing
bout mcd..but someone nids to ask them to lower their prices..writing
such a long mail to a few ppl is something that i've nv done be4..but seems
fun.. just like writing a blog! hahahahahahahaha.. see, this mail is just to kill
your time..has no meaning..
>> o ya, to answer yen and jin's question, another letter i just only received
says that the prize money is 100 pound, and it's a world prize. world? wah..
cool! out of the 9 papers they took the accumulated points of the last 5 papers..
>> another thing, if you have time to browse through the profile questionaire.
doc, the questions are scary...cant we just enjoy getting the prize without
being interviewed..hmm okla time to pen off. walaikummusalam.
(nah,dun hentam me for using it wrongly.) stay tune...
>> btw not telling any college friends yet (since nar knows cbners that might
link to cbners in orange college)....
>> battery is running out..
>> xoxo, ( this means what?)
>> -YO-

Since u said this is like a blog, why not just publish it? =)
Ur style of writing damn funny. I was smiling and laughing all the way man.
It's so you.

I miss hanging out with all of u. I got a lot of stuff to tell!!!
KL, xoxo = asshole asshole

Sept 10. Part (II)

I've written this post 9 days ago but kinda lazy to update it. So I leave it as it is. Don't feel like going into the details.

Bad mistake going there without preparation.
The schedule pasted in the board changed hell lot and much more complicated. So many new teachers, new students, new doors... It felt weird somehow.

The students looked so new. So fresh. So... innocent.
The guys looked really big compared to me... or maybe I'm shrinking. Who knows?
The place seemed crowded with all these unknown people though I could still recognized quite a number of them.

I saw a few ex-mufyians, ex-lecturers ex-cbners, ex- bus people and ex-Ns friend as well. I was kinda shocked... to be seeing these people after 2 months.

I waited for both my teachers for quite some time. So, I went to the library and the computer lab.

Met up with Elaine after her class. Tiff, May and Tom from Monash on the other hand came to visit me!! Thanks guys!

***

Because of that one day leave, the whole of the other department knows.. from the word of one girl.. PUNITHA.

Lol.. Thanks to her, I became really famous and whenever I walk pass them, she'll always be the one nudging a few ppl.. signaling. What the hell. I know what she wants.

Sept 10. Part (I)

I'm blogging now.
In College.
As in... Sunway College.

U must be wondering what the heck ini Siiii Yen-Yen doing in her college's computer lab instead of working right?

It was a last minute decision. I ran into a huge fight with my parents, lost my temper, raised my voice in front of them and then I asked to come here by myself to settle this... BY MYSELF.

I know I was being ridiculous, but seriously... you think I don't know what I'm doing? I just don't read about them in front of you. It's like during IELTS, my dad was always pushing me to search for online notes and do some online tests and all. I studied every night after they went to bed. So don't think I've nvr done my homework.

I was being a brat, a rebellious daughter who didn't answer questions that were given to me. I answered only in short, angry tone.

They see me as a person who have this kind of attitude who doesn't bother about things that are happening around her. Yeah right I don't care.

So anyway, I knew I was wrong but I still wouldn't want to admit it. I don't want to.

My mom used to complain that we depend on her too much... always let her do our dirty job and then compare with my eldest sis.
I wanted to do this by my own, but ended up... the usual happened.

It's not like I don't know what they're doing. I know they're doing this for my own good. I know I was to blame for keeping it into a last minute thing...

But, I couldn't help being so angry at that time.
I don't usually shout... but last night was horrible.

Sorry.. I'm talking crap here.

Lonely, Depressed, Extremely Cold, and Irritated.

I found my joy of working at my department downstairs. I realized it yesterday but it was already too late. I'd been given a place at the very end of the corner of another department upstairs for a week or so, the department I used to dream about.

Sitting next to me on my right was a lady, who totally ignored me the entire time. Not totally, just sometimes she asked a question or two.. and then continued laughing her head off with her own friends, leaving me behind.

On my left sat nobody... just a few unused computers. Apparently, those ghosts were the only ones who accompanied me yesterday.

My computer was facing a hard, solid white wall. Double sad.

Behind me was the floor, and a photocopy machine which people rarely use.

Close to me on my right sat a girl whom I tend to get a little jealous at times for something unexplainable.

I was feeling lonely, depressed, and extremely cold!

To make matters worse, my mom called. Take note, I don't usually bring my hp with me but I was unlucky enough to keep it inside my pocket. She was disappointed and mad at first after listening to my decision while I was all annoyed and irritated.

So I was lonely, depressed, extremely cold, and irritated.

I miss my friends downstairs.

I miss greeting them when they walked passed the reception counters.

I miss eyeing on this uncle... or old enough to be my grandfather.

I miss talking to this man, whom I think looked like this Hong Kong actor. The last time I rmb was he acted as a rapist in one of the series. Lol.

I miss smelling the perfume from this particular person. No, I'm not obsessed.

Super Random

Why must everything happen next weekend??
Why can't anyone have it today? Or tomorrow? Or any other day?
I really did nothing the whole of Saturday except to sleep...
and sleep.

I woke up about 12.30 - ate my lunch - online for awhile - slept again from 2 plus till 6.30pm. - ate pizza for dinner - online - ate maggie mee - currently online

See how boring my life is? I didn't have anything to do. That's why I decided to alter my layout. It's not perfect but I'll try to beautify my beloved blog from time to time.
Some of you may think that I copied someone. I'm telling you. I didn't. Honestly, I thought of this way before this person did it. I already put some of the photos in my folder for quite some time ago but I didn't have the time to do it - till last night.

Yes, I know I think a lot. Somehow, that might have crossed your mind.

Nothing exciting happened lately. Not since the concert. I can't think of anything to blog about. Oh, I just found out something from my mom. Check it out.

See, SGD rate is increasing compare to AUD which is falling each day. This is good news. Well, to me.

This post is so random.

I've been listening to this song over and over again. I love everything about it, especially the lyrics. This song reminds me of something. It's ... saddening. And frustrating.

I wish you'd look at me that way
Your beautiful eyes looking deep into mine
Telling me more than any words could say
But you don't even know I'm alive
Baby, to you, all I am is the invisible man

Movies

The title says it all.
Based on what I've downloaded, these are the best to the worst for me.

21 (2008)

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Legally Blonde (2001)

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The Devil Wears Prada (2006)

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27 Dresses (2008)

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The Notebook (2004)

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P.S. I love You (2007)

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The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants (2005)

I'm Loving Them.

Have I ever told you that I looked forward to work everyday? Seriously, I'm having a blast spending time with my colleagues from the other department. I can't really remember the last time I ever laughed so much – they’re hilarious!

Steven talked to me about extending my contract yesterday. Part of me wanted to stay on a little longer. Who wouldn’t? I mean, besides the obvious reason – money $$$ *smirk*, I’ll at least be doing something beneficial instead of just rotting at home.

Apart from all the essential questions I am usually bombarded with, one of them will surely ask…
“Have you lost a lot of weight ever since you worked here?”

My answer will simply be...
"No".

Anyhow, I’m getting a little too tired waking up early each morning, going to work, coming home… to sleep.

Basically, it’s the same old routine.

***

I’m so fucking pissed at someone right now. No, the feeling I had been was yesterday. Was it just a coincidence? Or did that happen on purpose? I wouldn’t know and will never know.

Yeah right I care.

Love

Do you believe in eternal love?
To believe in it makes it possible.