Camerons!!

I had a blast in Cameron Highland last weekend.

But it cost me Rm90 for that trip. And that was excluding of spending on extra food, entry fees, and the birthday cake. We were supposed to start off at 8am on Saturday, but as usual, for typical Malaysians, we left college about half and hour later. I saw about 80% of them brought their huge luggages, which I dunno why. Most of them were looking as if they're going camping for 10 days!

And for me? I just brought my school bag. Tom said I improved a lil compared to last time. Haha, The last time I brought only a handbag and a small plastic bag to Genting. That was for 3D/2N trip. Cool right?

One thing I dislike most on events like this is to find a partner to sit with in the bus. My kor was asking me to sit with him, but I hesitated. I don't know whether to sit with him or Tiff. Well, can say she went for this trip coz I forced her to. Haha, I need more girls! There are others but I want girls which I know and friends with. My gang has only 3 girls including myself. I don't know whether I should count the other girl in or not. May Ling and Tom, me and Tiff or me and my kor, Heri with Gunawan, and Terry with...?

Tiff and I chatted the whole journey.. but the journey was about 4 hours plus. Danny suggested on the game called Taboo. It was fun in the beginning, but soon, things got a lil bored.

• We stopped by at the tea plantation. It was… HOT!!
  
• Had lunch

Random

It felt awkward talking to this raccoon. I don't really noe much about him. The first time I talked to him was during Halloween night, and once during break.. and that day. We were actually comparing our foot size. Weird right? Janice will be so jealous if she finds out about this! He is considered as one of the hottest guys in my course, as what the majority voted. (Girls only). Don't ask me for my opinion.

*****

The apartment we stayed is separated into a few groups. We had about 9 people in each apartment and May Ling, Tiff and I shared the same room. Love it. We were watching Totally Spies, Kim Possible etc. Cartoons from Disney channel. The guys on the other hand were watching WWF. Hahaha. *Sigh* Girls will always remain as girls and guys will always remain as guys.

• Went down to watch some of my friends played football. My kor was the best among them! Haha, that was the first time I watched him play. He's really good. =) I was involved with this so called dodge ball. Don't mention about it. I suck.

I suck at sports. I've retired from running and high jump long long time ago.

For dinner, we had steamboat. I just love steamboat. I'm not talking about the food or place. But I love it a lot coz it was finally the chance where my friends and I really get together. There were lots of flies around. Not only that restaurant but Cameron itself. I hate flies. For the first time in my life, I am finally able to break eggs in a proper way, thanks to Terry. It's just eggs, but still..it's eggs. May Ling was saying that I made it sound so obscene, with all kinds of sound I made when I was breaking it.

After dinner, we went to pasar malam. We split up when May Ling went back as she wasn't feeling well. So, I went with the remaining ones. Then then, we went to this hotel toilet nearby. The 4 of us. The hotel was a lil creepy.. the toilet felt worse coz no one was there. I wanted to go to the gents. Omg, I actually thought of that, till they started...@.@ I straight away ran to the ladies. I was half way doin my business and... @.@ Omg. So WTH..

(Names are not mentioned to protect their erm..balls?)

I feel so corrupted!! Help me!!!

Random

Radish Head created a new name for me.. -->J.C.S<--.. it got short so that he can say my name in one second. >.<

*****

We had group photo at night. The lecturers and a few of them joined force to surprise Terry. We had a few shots and dunno-who brought a cake to him from behind. We sang bday song and all. That Danny smashed a plate full of whipped cream directly to his face! Right on the spot. It was so funny. And just that morning he said..how come no one remembers his birthday. Yeah right we don't. We just pretended to forget.

I followed my kor back to his apartment for a while. His room mates were looking at me like one kind. I have to admit. It felt weird, coz I was the only girl that time. Luckily I had Saiful with me too. He's a really nice person, but so shy. His looks is almost similar as monkey jantan.

• They bought chocolate indulgence. T.T Whyyyyyy??? Why chocolate indulgence?????

The lost puppy, Tom, May Ling, Tiff and I went back to our room. We chatted, played tarot cards, chatted. Really long story. But, I slept with the lost puppy. Again. God, Please bless me.

The next day, we went to the cactus and strawberry farm. My kor and I kinda got separated, so went off by ourselves. =) Had a great time with him. Maybe.. my siblings and I don't do that, but I kinda like our friendship right now. A lot of ppl had been questioning about us. I had to answer the same answer over and over again. It's not like what they're thinking! He's my brother.

Random

• Someone saw something he shouldn't be seeing. I wonder what is in his mind? I bet he's gonna question me one day.

• I can tell Tiff was really upset when he is always defending me instead of her. It happened all a sudden. It's usually not like her to say things like that.

• I bought strawberries and crystal guava. Everyone should try it. It's real good. *lovelove*

• Terry and I bought something for my gang as a remembrance of us in Cameron. =D

*****

We left Cameron about 3+ and reached college about 9pm. Imagine that. I slept almost the whole journey.

Overall, it has been a great weekend! I love Cameron Highland! Hopefully my friend can organize something after our finals. Somehow, I feel a little guilty inside. Am I a bitch or what? That wasn't my first time. I just hope, whatever I'm doing... is right.

Busy Week

The form has been filled, certified, and handed in.

This is going to be another head start for me. I don't really want to think about it yet. Now I just have to focus and stay put till the end of my semester. I wonder how am I going to survive for another 2 more months? Help me to lodge a complain to the director of MUFY please! See what is going to happen to me this week, next week and the week after.

This week
- Computer science test
- Accounting test
- Prepare for English Theme Studies
- Field Trip

1st week of April
- Hand in computer assignment
- English presentation
- Moral presentation
- Economics assignment test
- Maths test
- MUFY Games!

2nd week of April
- English Written test
- Economics test
- Computer Lab Test

Who will not die of education stress? I'm sacrificing my time to complain about this in this post. I didn't know I was going to be that busy during my holidays. I actually found myself chatting once again in Msn during those days. Weird considering I rarely do that already. And to think that I was actually dying of boredom. I only went out once out of 4 days. Imagine that.


I can't seem to get over all the TV series! I've been watching a lot these days. I'm seriously addicted to it. That shows how big my sister's influence can placed an impact on me.

1. Heroes
2. Gossip Girl
3. Desperate Housewives
4. Lost
5. Prison Break
6. American Idol
7. TVB Dramas

When do I have the time to study? Hahaha.

---------------

I've been taking a lot of different buses these days, thanks to my monthly ticket card. It helps a lot. I no longer have to wait so long for that one bus. Instead, I have other alternatives as well. =) The only problem is, walking to the end of pyramid is like hell. Luckily I have my friend to send me there. Due to the card also makes me lost my way at certain times. It's either I take the wrong bus station. or oversleep, or stop at the wrong bus station. Yesterday I tried a bus from pyramid and I was supposed to stop at Asia Jaya station, but I think I missed it. So, I just sat there. I know, stupid of me for not asking. But that 's what I did. I ended up in KL, Petaling Street instead. Lucky me.

---------------

If I'm not mistaken, I think that was my friend's friend but I've never even spoken to this person in my life before although I see this person almost everyday because we take the same bus. Well, the bus is usually occupied by Taylor's students anyway. Today, this person actually offered to hold my books and files for me as I was standing. So nice.

She Who Wants to be Loved

At first I was wondering, what makes me happy the most? The more I thought of it, the more I know what it is. The feeling of being loved, being wanted and being accepted for who I am. It was that easy, yet that hard to achieve. I love being cared. In fact, I love anyone who cares for me. Even something simple can make my day. For instance, keeping my msg in their phone, or saying my name in their conversation, or calling/sms-ing me first instead of them. I know, it's lame. But, it's the truth. Most importantly, I love anyone who comes to me own their own. And I mean willingly, without anything or anyone forcing them to.

The moment I feel nobody bothers about me, I will surely feel moody. That's why I can go hyper in one minute and quiet the next. Who would ever want to go with somebody who always thinks negatively? I seriously tried to be optimistic all the time. I succeeded for quite some time. I was happy, or so I thought... until my friend said something about me hiding my problems and feelings that day. I was in class when I read her msg. I don't know how she did that, but I just felt tears flowing down.

I don't even know what am I hiding okay? Or maybe I do, just that I don't wanna think about it. I really wanted to blame her for that. Blame her for making me feel this way. To make matter worse, that was the night we were supposed to meet up. Okay, I admit. I was feeling lonely, I was jealous. I was disappointed, and I was being emotional that night. All I know is, I don't want to be the same type of best friend as how my sis is.

Yet, I'm always jealous of people around me. I'm always comparing myself with other people. I'm always looking down at myself. I've tried to get rid of these feelings, but I failed. It's bad enough for me to feel this way, it felt even worse when others repeat this to me. I know I'm not as smart as the rest, but why must u compare your own daughter with others? Why must u say that I'm no better than my brother, who just ran away from home just now? It hurts a lot.

Once again, I'm posting something negative. And once again, I just can't help it. This holiday is turning me bad instead of better.

This is the second post.

Disappointments

I'm an evil person and I got what I've deserved.

Recently, I've just ditched a girl. Literally. I ditched her for another girl. I seriously didn't really mean to do that. I mean, it was word vomit. It came out before me knowing it. Maybe she doesn't mind, because she said so herself, but I got the feeling that she does. Who wouldn't? I would for sure. I have my own reason for doing that though. It might be a small matter, but it was certainly not for me. I felt so bad after calling her to say all those stuffs. If you're reading this, have u ever wondered why my friend called your name after Moral studies?

Well, it doesn't really matter anymore considering the girl I was with went with another gang. I was like, what the hell? How could she do this to me? Okay, maybe joining me isn't gonna be as fun as joining them. Who knows? That can be the reason. I was so mad at her for doing this to me, and at the right time as well, which was minutes before the registration. So, that was the kind of feeling, the feeling of betrayal.

He knew that I was really upset at that time because he asked me to meet him outside to talk about it when I was having my class. I was almost in tears when I told him that time, it's not because she had ditched me, but it's because she had taken me for granted, as a back up. She still doesn't know how bad I felt the day before, and the choice that I'd made is just a complete waste. That wasn't the first time though. It happened before. At first, I thought she was one of my good friends, but now I don't know anymore. Or maybe, I was too dependent on her?

Luckily he was there for me. He had helped me a lot throughout this period and I can really really sense his sincerity. Hehe, I know something he doesn't, which was during Maths test. He was the one who really cares about me, as a friend.

• I dislike people who take me for granted.

• I dislike people who use me as a replacement.

See, I'm complaining. I just can't help myself to do that.

This is the first post.

Bittersweet

Updated on 17th March

These days I've been doing a lot of thinking. I guess u can say it's all because of my friend. Why do people want to post their blogs online? To let others know how unhappy u are? To let others know how much have u suffered? To let others know how confused u are? Well, I actually said these to my friends, even though my own dears and I are doing that.

Okay, I don't mean to hurt anybody's' feelings. But, sometimes, when we post about problems we're facing, about the all our sorrows , it's like we're trying to show to all our friends about how miserable our life are. It seems to me that we just want to attract attention from the others. The people who care for us will surely comfort us, giving us advices and all. Why must write out problems or express feelings in an exaggerating manner or getting ourselves more depressed than it actually is? Why write words like we cannot live without him or our heart had been torn to pieces in blog like one cannot go on with life? Yet they can still enjoy their life the next day itself. So, why are we overdoing it? Are we craving for attention? Or are we just making life more difficult?

Why do we want our friends to know how emotional we are? Why can't we just write on events that are memorable and joyful to us so that we can always keep those happy memories in mind? If we keep on writing on and on about our own pathetic life, sooner or later only problems will be piled into our heads and assuming that we are alone in this, thinking life is just a pain. Why not change our perspectives on life? Instead of complaining, we should always count our blessings.

But then again, some may have different point of view on this. They might feel that we should not keep the pain within ourselves. One must learn to let loose of their problems instead of keeping things away from people. In that case, it will not be a necessity for us to plant a fake smile and a fake laugh to our friends when our heart is actually not in it.

So, which opinion is better?

Here's something for those who needs it.
I posted it in my previous blog before though.

I have in my hand two boxes,
Which God gave me to hold,
He said, "Put all your sorrows in the black box,
And all your joys in the gold".
I heeded His words, and in the two boxes,
Both my joys and sorrows I stored,
But though the gold became heavier each day,
The black was as light as before.
With curiosity, I opened the black,
I wanted to find out why,
And I saw, in the base of the box, a hole,
Which my sorrows had fallen out by.
I showed the hole to God, and mused,
"I wonder where my sorrows could be!"
Hr smiled a gentle smile and said,
"My child they're all here with me.."
I asked God, why He gave me the boxes,
Why the gold and the black with the hole?
"My child, the gold is for you to count your blessings,
The black is for you to let go".

Reality

It's 9th March today.
My foundation will be ending soon. It all went so fast, too fast even before I can settle down properly. It's been 6 months plus now. I still have another 3 more months to survive college life and I'll be off to university to further my studies. Once my trial result is out, I'll be able to guess what will my actual result be. If I fail to meet their min English requirement, I'll be dead.

Just 2 days ago I had a briefing for the application on Monash. We can either apply for Australia or Malaysia campus itself and it is to be submitted by the end of March, which is practically 3 weeks away. I have to decide where I really want to study, and the most importantly, which degree I wish to pursue by then. To be frank, I don't really want to go for business field. I can't really see myself as a certified accountant, or an economist or a marketing manager or whatever in the future. I really have no idea. My instinct tells me to take up economics, or econometrics, or accounting and finance. I'm scared of economics and econometrics. I don't know whether I can do it or not. Will it be worth going there?

But if I were to take up accounting and finance, I can't be a certified accountant, coz it will not be based on professional organization such as ACCA. Without it, I will not be able to receive high salary in future. They kept on encouraging me to take up a professional course and the only one in their mind is ACCA. That's it! Now they're considering whether I should go to UK or not. I wonder when the hell UK came into picture? Are they having some kind of problem or what? The last time I checked, our current exchange with UK is about 6.3GBP. I can't believe they are even considering this. They even asked me to ask which university is applicable for my foundation. No, no and never. It'll be a whole different story if we have enough money, or having me to pursue medical field and all. But, sorry.. not for something common like accounting or anything.

Omg, I have to decide soon.

I planned to go oversea. But not now..not so fast. I'm not ready! I aimed for 20% of tuition fees scholarship for local campus. Seems like there's no hope. They increased the minimum requirement from the total marks of 320 to 365 already. It means every subject I have to score D or HD at least. That's impossible. I already aimed myself to get at least 320 and looks like there is no hope. My mom was so afraid of me failing my English, coz I said I will. She asked me to take IELTS, just to be sure I can enter July intake by then.

Besides, I will really miss my friends. For sure it'll be my dear animals, my college friends, and a few others. I already found my own group in college and I now know who my real friends are. I don't want to leave them.

Words of Truth

One of the articles in the The Star got me thinking. Somehow, when I read her column, I feel the problems that I'm facing right now seem so, according to her.. insignificant. It's true, don't you think? Besides having to study, to maintain relationships, friendships, family, etc what other problems am I facing that others are not?

Being stressed from our studies, yes. But, everyone from any courses are having the same situation. So, what's so special about it? We may say that our subjects are difficult, yet we keep on complaining bout it but it never seem to occur to us to take that chance or to be initiative to at least try.

Those who deserve better are those who actually give their best shot.. and aim high! Have u ever seen doctors, physiologist, and pilots' books? Theirs are damn bloody hell thick! Mine is nothing compare to them. So what if I don't take science subjects whatsoever, but don't anyhow think that arts subjects are easy okay. It also takes time to for us to adjust to something new.

Not only that, but it also applies to lost relationships and friendships. I may not be the right person to say all this, but.. get a life! It's over. What's done is done. Getting depressed, stop eating and crying your whole heart out can never bring back the person you once lost. Simple speaking, nothing you do now will affect the other person, unless that person commits suicide.

Try looking at the bright side, you have a whole lot more to choose from as it is not the end of the world. Why cry for the person who no longer has feelings for you? Useless. It's easy to play the blame game, but we have to think about the other side as well. Their perspectives, or their way of looking at things may be different from you. Girls tend to think more complex, they tend to expect more from guys, sometimes too much, yet all they want most is someone to care for them.

Basically, love is complicated. There is no scientifically proven but, just common sense.

It is common for us to get upset at our parents, for their lack of support, lack of love and lack of trust. I wonder why must we complain about them? Why must we compare other parents' love towards other children? Why don't they trust us? They are going through life as well, just like us. I couldn't stop thinking though, I have 4 other siblings to compare with. Especially my sisters. Like what they always say, everyone is special. I don't really agree with tat, but I just say it anyway.

I went to an orphanage last week for my moral project. We had bbq and games over there. I didn't really do much compared to others, just joined the game, and talked and played with the kids. One of the kids really touched my heart, who was my 8 year old 'dance' partner.

There was an event going on near the orphanage, which was the lion dance. I think. It was then when another kid came to me, and started mumbling somethin to me. I wasn't really sure what he was talking about. It sudd came to me when my dance partner said he was afraid of the lions.

He kept on saying, "they're coming here, they're coming here" repeatedly.

I didn't know wat to do! I'm not good with kids! Tears were welling up his eyes already, and I just hugged him. He was so scared. Luckily my partner was there to help me. She was the one consoling him instead of me. Obviously he felt much relieved and she knew better than me.

The other thing was when the moment they received presents from us. I saw her looking at her bag in awe. Her eyes went huge and she was covering her mouth while looking at it. Not only that, their guardian, whom they called uncle was very friendly. I had a talk with him alone and we talked about his life and how he ended up taking care of them etc. I felt kinda sad for them for not having their parents around, but all of them had to work together and support one another.

It depends on how we look at our daily life. We make our life more complicated because we are so used to thinking that way. We are just being selfish, I know I am because anything I do, it's all about me, me and me.

Why must it always happen to me? Why am I the only one facing this problem? Why am I always so unlucky? It's just questions full of W-H-Y-s.

If we take two steps back and look at the bigger picture, we have to know that life is short. Kinda think of it, I have another 3/4 left before I actually leave the world.

L, G, C, W, and K

She asked me something very disturbing that day, in the car. I answered what I thought at that moment. Sadly, she got a similar reply from L too So, that's what he thinks as well? I've to admit, it is true considering we barely talk to each other as how we used to, thanks to my old habit which I can never seem to overcome. We used to understand each other without even having to actually open our mouth. He used to be a very good companion, someone I can really count on, and someone I can discuss my problems with.

Here am I, wishing things would go back like how it used to. Would I be happier then? Or, would I've even developed something more? That is the question which can never be answered anymore, seeing that I have already made my choice.

*****

I rarely talk to G nowadays. I dunno, things just changed. He used to be so annoying last time. Who don't know that. But, he no longer as noisy as before, as that old him. He changed his target though, much to my relief. This time, he follows her everywhere. I dunno whether she can actually stand him or not. Haha.

I really felt guilty when I lied to him straight in the face saying that C and I were going out to join the rest for lunch. Well, not actually telling a lie, just playing around with him. I guessed he took it too seriously, he saw us coming back and pretended not to look and he took off. I explained to him and asked him to join us. He just nodded. We were kind of waiting for him after that, but he didn't turn up. C suddenly saw him eating alone. He took off once again when we both looked at him.

I'm so so sorry G, for doing that. Somehow, I pitied him, maybe coz he did not have a group for our assignment in the beginning.

*****

I consider myself closest to W and C now. Although C and I talked more, but there is still something missing. As for W, I can tell him almost anything, but not on that. Imagine me telling him that I used to think like that? I wanted to answer him when he asked me that question, but I couldn't. I don't know why.

Maybe I am feeling embarrassed, or maybe I am afraid that he might know the other person as well, or maybe, I just don't want others to know about it. So far, he is the second person from my college whom I let view my blog. I guess it means that I trust him. He will always find me first, something that I really feel grateful for. It makes me feel like I am wanted. =) At least, he is the person I want to see first in the morning, well I have to. Hehe.

*****

I prefer to see Q rather than L at that place. Luck is always by my side, I see Q more times than I see L. Obviously, I can talk to Q more. He is someone I feel really comfortable talking with. Although Q has lots of friends, but at least he does still return to his own friends, unlike L, who has unlimited friends to handle till he sometimes doesn't know which to go to.

Anyway, Q sometimes ask me whether I want to follow him or not. I love it!~ No doubt about that. It makes things much easier. Recently, he asked me something but I couldn't make it. I wanted to go for it but I've done it before. He's not the type who will bluff or trying to butter up people, but for once I seriously hope that was just his excuse. I doubt it was. I bet it was because I can get there easier than anyone else could. Much much easier. That's why.

*****

K witnessed almost all of these already. He must have think I'm a slut. He still doesn't know about something though. Haha.

BSB Concert

I would like to dedicate this to:

• Backstreet Boys - You guys made my night.
  
• Jan and SJ - Thanks for going with me that day.
  

I love Bsb more than ever since that night. My first concert. Ppl might say it's just backstreet boys. They're old, lame, gay watever. Come on, it's backstreet boys. Please. In fact, they still looked as good and cool even though they were from the 90's? Besides the songs from Unbreakable, they had their solo parts, and songs from the old albums. It was so loud, even H could hear it in his condo. How cool is that?

I truly enjoyed myself the whole night! The place, the singing,the crowd, everything! It was bloody hot, stuffy, sticky (from the gal beside me), but I didn't give a damn. Surprisingly, SJ was the craziest and the most hyper one among us. U should have seen her. Omg, that is one side of her that I've never known before.

Most of the crowd sang along when it came to the old songs, but it was totally the opposite when they started with helpless when she smiles, trouble is, etc. It was weird. We also passed by so many of SJ and Jan's friends. Luckily, and finally, I managed to find someone at the end, which was after the concert. I didn't lose. Hehe.

I was supposed to stay over at my friend's house. But, when we arrived in front of her house, she didn't pick up the phone! Omg! I thought she fell asleep waiting for me. So, I stayed at Jan's house with SJ. I didn't really want to bother them or anything seeing that they might discussed stuffs that I wouldn't know. Couldn't be helped then. We took our bath, talked, and ate supper. =)

It was worth the money, worth the time spent, and worth sacrificing almost half the class the next morning. It was one of the most memorable night ever!. Oh yeah, turned out my friend was bathing that time.